Thursday, 19 July 2012

What is Anger?

            Angry ? Forget your rage and sit down quietly. Now count from one to ten and . . . Yea right.  You are furious at your friend for sharing something personal about you with others. No reason is acceptable for his treason. This is just one of the innumerable reasons people get angry every day. Emotions, especially anger, have been long misunderstood. We have been taught to avoid them, look at emotions as weakness, to handle them and worst of all to control them.
            As usual I will explore the root cause and leave it to you as to what to do about anger. All emotions serve as internal guide for your life. Anger conveys a meaning. Why do you think you get angry? Sure, there are several disconnected reasons to make you furious but there is an underlying connection which is the basic trigger. You get angry when
            “  One of your personal rules in life has been violated by others or yourself  ”

            Think back and analyze. This is very evident in relationships during the initial years. For eg. the guy might have a rule like this. If he calls his girlfriend and she does not pick up the call, he expects her to send a message telling him when she will get back. If that is not possible at least when she does get back he expects her to casually mention she was busy because of so and so reasons. He has his own reasons for these expectations – he wants to know if she received his call, in case of emergency he will at least know when she will get back, he always informs her sincerely when it is his turn and most importantly he might feel that her acknowledgement of his call conveys that he is important to the girl and that she won’t simply ignore his call anytime.

            These reasons are so strong for him that it becomes a rule that his girlfriend should inform him in such cases. Every time she does not do it he will get furious but the girl would have never meant to hurt him. She might have simply been unaware of all these meanings for him and could have just forgotten to inform him. Instead of getting mad every time and fighting, he can avoid his anger if he knows the basics.

            His rule has been violated so first he should check if the girl knew this rule in the first place. Then he should realize that just because he has strong reasons for his rules it does not mean that the rule has absolute validity. Whenever he makes a rule involving others especially close ones he should discuss with them and make sure they agree too. If not, it is only an invitation for continuous argument, anger and fights.

It might seem trivial but if you take the time to convey and discuss each other’s personal rules it will help your relationship in the long term. With enough practice you will start seeing that you are able to find out when you are going to get angry and find the cause also. The best way to avoid anger is if you consciously ensure that you don’t have too many rules that others can easily violate.

When I say avoid anger I don’t mean it in the conventional way. Anger usually has a negative influence on people but it is just a feedback signal from your character which informs you that one of your rules has been violated. If we take care of our rules and keep them mutually realistic then these rules won’t be violated. Hence as a natural consequence the anger signal won’t be sent to you. This is the easiest way to address anger at its root levels.

4 comments:

  1. simply amazing !! come to think of it, the reasons are pretty solid. Having read this, I realize the rules that I have in place that I expect my friends to follow ... I guess it will go a long way in averting awkward situations in the future..
    Well written and kudos to the author.

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  2. Brilliant new perspective on Anger Management !!... u cant find something like this in any self help books..the root cause of anger has been addressed elegantly !..its is one of those ideas tat really gets u thinking and say.."Hey u know wat!?. now i totally get why i do wat i do!..." :)...

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  3. I agree with the statement that You get angry when “One of your personal rules in life has been violated by others”, however when you break your rules yourself it becomes necessity to do so.

    So, rightly observed by author that you should discuss your rules with the other person involved else understand the necessity for breaking the rule. :)

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  4. Well.... Anger is not always bad.

    Anger, can actually be very helpful. ( rage is not). Anger can help us in many ways.
    Confused? Check - http://ashishsehgal.com/e-life/blog/i-am-angry-and-i-know-it-is-good/

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